direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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