This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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