My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
