He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
