halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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