You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
