he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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