i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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