Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
