Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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