just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
