I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
