thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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