i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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