yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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