I didn't shave. On purpose
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
