Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
