Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
