I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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