just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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