nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
