Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize