what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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