I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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