the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
do nipples grow back?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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