I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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