He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
