All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
