i don't like sucking hair
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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