as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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