after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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