too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
