it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
