"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
