How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
