i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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