She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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