I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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