I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
