i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
