New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
