You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
