A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
