Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
