sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
