I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
