i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
