dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize