You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
