i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
