Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
