And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
