Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
