May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
