I hate your face
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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