I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
