I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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