I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
