I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
