he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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