life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
