he wants to bone in the snuggie
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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