we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
