you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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