I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
