My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
