i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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