Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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