oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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