So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
