meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize