i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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