she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
