Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need a hoe opinion
go on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
