i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
