apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
