why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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