Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
