Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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