Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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