New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
